After reading my essay aloud I found somethings that needed to be fixed wording wise. We found some grammar things to fixed in my essay. Most of my group members didn’t need to fix anything and had a really good flow and wording.
In my group, all of our essays were overall really good and I enjoyed all of the ones I read. I just have a couple of small grammar things to fix in my essay but nothing too crazy. All of the suggestions in our group was just fixing some of the grammar but that was it.
After reading my essay aloud I saw some moments where I could change the way that I worded some sentences to make the essay run more smoothly. Overall, my group enjoyed listening to my essay and they said that the story was genuine. I am going to continue to read my essay aloud to other people and see if there is anything else I could change, but my group thought my essay was solid and told a good story/conveyed a strong message.
After reading my essay aloud I found somethings that needed to be fixed wording wise. We found some grammar things to fixed in my essay. Most of my group members didn’t need to fix anything and had a really good flow and wording within their essays.
Having a peer review was very successful for me. I am going to add more about my future goals, and where my end goals are. I also need to edit my essay more and get rid of any repeating phrases. I have more room to maybe add more of a personal story on why I have the goals that I do.
Journal #30
I felt very confident after peer review, My essay was very well written and very personal. I was told that my essay was a good mix of personal reflection on not only myself but others. My essay had very good flow and was easy to understand and read as well.
Some changes that I am going is to try to condense some of my examples and change a little bit of the repetitive. I want to read it back more and maybe change some of the grammar and wording of things. I also really need to condense the whole thing because it is way over but condensing my examples will help with that.
I really enjoyed listening to the drafts that my peers have written. I found one of them particularly interesting, it was very introspective and somewhat meta. It really made me think, which was awesome! I didn’t have many suggestions that were broad, it was more so smaller suggestions like grammar and phrasing. I was told to give more personal experiences and elaborate on the experiences that I already have. I completely agree! Between now and when it’s due, I will work on making it more personal and adding more experiences.
During peer revision in class, i received both positive and constructive feedback that helped give me ideas on how to continue the essay. They all thought my personal piece of the essay worked well, and that I did well explaining many of the ideas that were in the writing. Paige said to add more about how I am a people pleaser, which I will consider. Overall, I think I will add more details to each paragraph, and possibly expand the introduction before it was due. After adding more details, I may have to remove some parts that may not be relevant anymore. I gave mostly positive feedback to my peers, focusing on the uniqueness of their ideas and also how their personal examples worked together. Some constructive feedback I gave consisted of the overall organization of the essay and adding paragraph breaks. Some also could use some more personal pieces to make it more relatable. They all had minimal grammatical errors.
In reflection after receiving feedback on my this I believe essay, I have been able to make some minor changes. My group said that my essay was very good, however, I could rearrange some sentences to make the essay flow better. I also repeated some transitions that could be changed. Between now and the deadline for this essay, I think I will reread my essay a lot more and just make some tweaks in the wording. Overall, I think my essay is pretty good and it will be better after some minor changes. During the peer review sessions, I was able to give some minor corrections to my group, but most of my feedback was complementary. I enjoyed hearing the others read their essays. It was interesting to me to hear what other people’s core beliefs are.
I think if I go back and fix the grammar and wording it will be a lot better. While I was reading I frequently stumbled around and tripped on words. This might be my dyslexia, but it was also the way it was written. I also used the same phrasing on a sentence right after it which is a bit repetitve so once I fix that I should be good. I also just fixed a few misplaced punctuation things as I went. I really enjoyed the peer editing. The comments I got back were amazing and its always nice to get a new set of eyes on something I hyper-focused on for a while to get done. It was cool to get to read others essays so I can hear their values and believes and reflect that onto mine.
This peer review was very helpful because not only did I fix mistakes that I had written, but I also got very good feedback from my group. What I need to do now, from my groups feedback, is make the essay more personal. I have a good amount of content in it, but I need to further connect it with my life experiences, and take out the parts that are receptive, and don’t add to the message.
Having peer reviews really helped me see other people’s work which allowed me to reflect on my own essay and see where I’m lacking and could improve. My main advice to the people in my group was to personalize their essays more by adding more specific examples in their life that directly relate to the point of their essay. I was told for my own essay that the concept was really meaningful to them and relatable.
During this peer review session my groupmates and I offered some great feedback to each other’s essays. I came to realize some things I can change in my essay to make my topic more clear and my essay flow smoother. I was bouncing around the idea of using my resources to lead to success, but never clearly stated “I believe in using my resources”. This is something I will certainly go back and change to make the purpose of my essay clear. Aside from a few grammar and spelling errors this is the main suggestion and change that I will be making to my next draft.
I really enjoyed getting to listen to my peer’s TIB essays in class today. Each one had an interesting and unique theme that I never would have thought of, and overall, each left me with a new perspective. Afterwards, I only had a few suggestions to give, mostly just over fixing spelling and flow of the piece, and also trying to add in a few personlized touches to make sure their own voice came through. I was told that my essay was great, which I was super happy to hear, but I also think there could still be a little room for improvement. With Peer Review today in class, I felt a lot more confident in my This I Believe Essay. Getting a chance to read it aloud helped me figure out which words flowed naturally and others that could maybe be adjusted in my next drafting phase. But, in all, I think I am at a good point in my essay. The main adjustments that could be made between now and next class are for tweaking word choices and also, most importantly, finding a name for the title!
I loved being able to listen to all of my groups essays. I think they all covered some very important topics and they all chose to talk about something that meant a lot to them. I gave them feedback, mostly related to grammar and syntax, and they let me edit one or two places I thought a point could be expanded. In turn, they also reviewed my essay, and essentially said they wouldn’t change anything, but that I should add one more paragraph to neatly tie up the end. So I did, and now my essay flows better.
I got some good constructive criticism for my TIB essay. I expected more of a negative reaction to be honest, everyone else in my group told about a moral they learned that made them a better person, and I wrote about a controversial school of thought that contradicts free will. I was given some very good feedback on how to make my essay better: I should explain how I came to explore this theory, I should delete the part about chaos theory (which I understand it was an unnecessary tangent), and I should split this essay into multiple paragraphs. Nobody in my group said it but I feel like I should also cut out a lot of the circular writing, where I just elaborated on what determinism is a bunch of times. I think I ended up doing that because it’s hard to explain, and even after explaining it like ten times throughout the essay I still don’t think I got it across as precisely as I wanted to.
17 thoughts on “JOURNAL # 30 (TIB):”
After reading my essay aloud I found somethings that needed to be fixed wording wise. We found some grammar things to fixed in my essay. Most of my group members didn’t need to fix anything and had a really good flow and wording.
In my group, all of our essays were overall really good and I enjoyed all of the ones I read. I just have a couple of small grammar things to fix in my essay but nothing too crazy. All of the suggestions in our group was just fixing some of the grammar but that was it.
After reading my essay aloud I saw some moments where I could change the way that I worded some sentences to make the essay run more smoothly. Overall, my group enjoyed listening to my essay and they said that the story was genuine. I am going to continue to read my essay aloud to other people and see if there is anything else I could change, but my group thought my essay was solid and told a good story/conveyed a strong message.
After reading my essay aloud I found somethings that needed to be fixed wording wise. We found some grammar things to fixed in my essay. Most of my group members didn’t need to fix anything and had a really good flow and wording within their essays.
Having a peer review was very successful for me. I am going to add more about my future goals, and where my end goals are. I also need to edit my essay more and get rid of any repeating phrases. I have more room to maybe add more of a personal story on why I have the goals that I do.
Journal #30
I felt very confident after peer review, My essay was very well written and very personal. I was told that my essay was a good mix of personal reflection on not only myself but others. My essay had very good flow and was easy to understand and read as well.
Some changes that I am going is to try to condense some of my examples and change a little bit of the repetitive. I want to read it back more and maybe change some of the grammar and wording of things. I also really need to condense the whole thing because it is way over but condensing my examples will help with that.
I really enjoyed listening to the drafts that my peers have written. I found one of them particularly interesting, it was very introspective and somewhat meta. It really made me think, which was awesome! I didn’t have many suggestions that were broad, it was more so smaller suggestions like grammar and phrasing. I was told to give more personal experiences and elaborate on the experiences that I already have. I completely agree! Between now and when it’s due, I will work on making it more personal and adding more experiences.
During peer revision in class, i received both positive and constructive feedback that helped give me ideas on how to continue the essay. They all thought my personal piece of the essay worked well, and that I did well explaining many of the ideas that were in the writing. Paige said to add more about how I am a people pleaser, which I will consider. Overall, I think I will add more details to each paragraph, and possibly expand the introduction before it was due. After adding more details, I may have to remove some parts that may not be relevant anymore. I gave mostly positive feedback to my peers, focusing on the uniqueness of their ideas and also how their personal examples worked together. Some constructive feedback I gave consisted of the overall organization of the essay and adding paragraph breaks. Some also could use some more personal pieces to make it more relatable. They all had minimal grammatical errors.
In reflection after receiving feedback on my this I believe essay, I have been able to make some minor changes. My group said that my essay was very good, however, I could rearrange some sentences to make the essay flow better. I also repeated some transitions that could be changed. Between now and the deadline for this essay, I think I will reread my essay a lot more and just make some tweaks in the wording. Overall, I think my essay is pretty good and it will be better after some minor changes. During the peer review sessions, I was able to give some minor corrections to my group, but most of my feedback was complementary. I enjoyed hearing the others read their essays. It was interesting to me to hear what other people’s core beliefs are.
I think if I go back and fix the grammar and wording it will be a lot better. While I was reading I frequently stumbled around and tripped on words. This might be my dyslexia, but it was also the way it was written. I also used the same phrasing on a sentence right after it which is a bit repetitve so once I fix that I should be good. I also just fixed a few misplaced punctuation things as I went. I really enjoyed the peer editing. The comments I got back were amazing and its always nice to get a new set of eyes on something I hyper-focused on for a while to get done. It was cool to get to read others essays so I can hear their values and believes and reflect that onto mine.
This peer review was very helpful because not only did I fix mistakes that I had written, but I also got very good feedback from my group. What I need to do now, from my groups feedback, is make the essay more personal. I have a good amount of content in it, but I need to further connect it with my life experiences, and take out the parts that are receptive, and don’t add to the message.
Having peer reviews really helped me see other people’s work which allowed me to reflect on my own essay and see where I’m lacking and could improve. My main advice to the people in my group was to personalize their essays more by adding more specific examples in their life that directly relate to the point of their essay. I was told for my own essay that the concept was really meaningful to them and relatable.
During this peer review session my groupmates and I offered some great feedback to each other’s essays. I came to realize some things I can change in my essay to make my topic more clear and my essay flow smoother. I was bouncing around the idea of using my resources to lead to success, but never clearly stated “I believe in using my resources”. This is something I will certainly go back and change to make the purpose of my essay clear. Aside from a few grammar and spelling errors this is the main suggestion and change that I will be making to my next draft.
I really enjoyed getting to listen to my peer’s TIB essays in class today. Each one had an interesting and unique theme that I never would have thought of, and overall, each left me with a new perspective. Afterwards, I only had a few suggestions to give, mostly just over fixing spelling and flow of the piece, and also trying to add in a few personlized touches to make sure their own voice came through. I was told that my essay was great, which I was super happy to hear, but I also think there could still be a little room for improvement. With Peer Review today in class, I felt a lot more confident in my This I Believe Essay. Getting a chance to read it aloud helped me figure out which words flowed naturally and others that could maybe be adjusted in my next drafting phase. But, in all, I think I am at a good point in my essay. The main adjustments that could be made between now and next class are for tweaking word choices and also, most importantly, finding a name for the title!
I loved being able to listen to all of my groups essays. I think they all covered some very important topics and they all chose to talk about something that meant a lot to them. I gave them feedback, mostly related to grammar and syntax, and they let me edit one or two places I thought a point could be expanded. In turn, they also reviewed my essay, and essentially said they wouldn’t change anything, but that I should add one more paragraph to neatly tie up the end. So I did, and now my essay flows better.
I got some good constructive criticism for my TIB essay. I expected more of a negative reaction to be honest, everyone else in my group told about a moral they learned that made them a better person, and I wrote about a controversial school of thought that contradicts free will. I was given some very good feedback on how to make my essay better: I should explain how I came to explore this theory, I should delete the part about chaos theory (which I understand it was an unnecessary tangent), and I should split this essay into multiple paragraphs. Nobody in my group said it but I feel like I should also cut out a lot of the circular writing, where I just elaborated on what determinism is a bunch of times. I think I ended up doing that because it’s hard to explain, and even after explaining it like ten times throughout the essay I still don’t think I got it across as precisely as I wanted to.